Weighing on my mind

Initially, I decided not to blog today but this has been weighing on my mind all day long.  I had a hard time putting it into words but I feel like there is someone out there that needs to hear this. 

 This week I haven't been "Mom of the year" worthy by any means. I lost focus on what is truly important. Over-analyzation of schedules, balanced meals, adequately planned learning times and napping has been occupying the mind space that my children should be filling. I have reached out more to other Moms than I ever have to answer questions that I would have never thought twice about. Sure, they are great support for me and I am beyond thankful for them but where did my instincts go? I was second guessing everything that my family thrives on. I've never been one to read a ton of books on parenting, ask a lot of questions or over-analyze what I am doing as a Mom. I have definitely gained great advice through my question asking such as 1:00 is the sweet spot for one afternoon nap but I had some real soul searching to do since I was caught-up in a tornado of my own life.

I needed to regain focus, patience and remember what my goal was as a mother and wife. Then I realized that I have been so caught up in all of the detail of my life and worrying that my personal prayer time has severely faltered. How could I have let this happen? He is, after all, the reason I am here on this journey of life. He has blessed me with my wonderful husband and amazing children. Have I given thanks to him? Sure, I have thanked him a million times over for my family but what about recently? Nope. It has been at least a week, maybe longer. No longer having two naps a day to do what needs to be done has me doing them at night and by the time my head hits the pillow I am out like a light.

Last night I changed that. Obviously, our whole family is adjusting to all of the things that come along with a new routine and I needed to tweak my personal routine. I had been leaving out the most important part of my day....prayer. So after our nightly work-out, I showered and laid in bed in prayer.... in tears. My heart felt so liberated. I prayed  for the things that I was over-analyzing and asking others for advice on, for my children, my husband, my family and my patience among many, many other things. I fell asleep in prayer like I have done so many times before.

Then....I had the most special dream. I dreamt of the first days home with my sweet girls and the overwhelming feeling of gratitude and awe was as real in my dream as it when I experienced them. I vividly re-experienced the initial indescribable feelings of love at first {second, third, etc} sight. Those instincts of being able to listen to my babies and know exactly what they needed kicked in to high gear. My patience for two crying babies was unsurmountable because I had cried and prayed for them for many years before they were given to me. I had a crystal clear vision for our family. 

The dream was one of God's many blessings in my life. It was his way of speaking to me. 

I woke in tears. Today I am listening to my children and their needs. I making educated decisions based on their needs but most importantly I am praying about it and trusting my instincts. My instincts have gotten us this far with happy, healthy children. I just needed the confidence that prayer so often provides to listen to my children and my instincts. 

I know exactly what I need to do for my family for it to thrive. I need to pray.... I had lost sight of that. 

"When life gets too hard to stand... Kneel" -Gordon B Hinckley

Oh, 1:00 really is the sweet spot! Both girls just napped for 3 hours! 

The early days. My heart is full.