Weighing on my mind

1.27.2015

Initially, I decided not to blog today but this has been weighing on my mind all day long.  I had a hard time putting it into words but I feel like there is someone out there that needs to hear this. 

 This week I haven't been "Mom of the year" worthy by any means. I lost focus on what is truly important. Over-analyzation of schedules, balanced meals, adequately planned learning times and napping has been occupying the mind space that my children should be filling. I have reached out more to other Moms than I ever have to answer questions that I would have never thought twice about. Sure, they are great support for me and I am beyond thankful for them but where did my instincts go? I was second guessing everything that my family thrives on. I've never been one to read a ton of books on parenting, ask a lot of questions or over-analyze what I am doing as a Mom. I have definitely gained great advice through my question asking such as 1:00 is the sweet spot for one afternoon nap but I had some real soul searching to do since I was caught-up in a tornado of my own life.

I needed to regain focus, patience and remember what my goal was as a mother and wife. Then I realized that I have been so caught up in all of the detail of my life and worrying that my personal prayer time has severely faltered. How could I have let this happen? He is, after all, the reason I am here on this journey of life. He has blessed me with my wonderful husband and amazing children. Have I given thanks to him? Sure, I have thanked him a million times over for my family but what about recently? Nope. It has been at least a week, maybe longer. No longer having two naps a day to do what needs to be done has me doing them at night and by the time my head hits the pillow I am out like a light.

Last night I changed that. Obviously, our whole family is adjusting to all of the things that come along with a new routine and I needed to tweak my personal routine. I had been leaving out the most important part of my day....prayer. So after our nightly work-out, I showered and laid in bed in prayer.... in tears. My heart felt so liberated. I prayed  for the things that I was over-analyzing and asking others for advice on, for my children, my husband, my family and my patience among many, many other things. I fell asleep in prayer like I have done so many times before.

Then....I had the most special dream. I dreamt of the first days home with my sweet girls and the overwhelming feeling of gratitude and awe was as real in my dream as it when I experienced them. I vividly re-experienced the initial indescribable feelings of love at first {second, third, etc} sight. Those instincts of being able to listen to my babies and know exactly what they needed kicked in to high gear. My patience for two crying babies was unsurmountable because I had cried and prayed for them for many years before they were given to me. I had a crystal clear vision for our family. 

The dream was one of God's many blessings in my life. It was his way of speaking to me. 

I woke in tears. Today I am listening to my children and their needs. I making educated decisions based on their needs but most importantly I am praying about it and trusting my instincts. My instincts have gotten us this far with happy, healthy children. I just needed the confidence that prayer so often provides to listen to my children and my instincts. 
I know exactly what I need to do for my family for it to thrive. I need to pray.... I had lost sight of that. 

"When life gets too hard to stand... Kneel" -Gordon B Hinckley


Oh, 1:00 really is the sweet spot! Both girls just napped for 3 hours! 

The early days. My heart is full. 



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2 Comments »

2 Responses to “Weighing on my mind”

  1. 1:00 is the sweet spot in this house too. Sweet post, mama :)

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  2. Hang in there girl! Trust your instincts and your gut- you know what's best for them as their mama. Don't worry about schedules, planned learning and all that stuff. Just give them the love and cuddles they need from you and it will all come together.

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